+zomg! hai.+
wow. i can't believe i'm blogging! i NEVER blog anymore. iono why... mostly cos i'm lazy or just too busy.

lemme just go ahead and put THIS in here. yeah iono if i linked my finished portfolio website here yet. i should just make like this whole page a giant link to that site. but no. just kiddding.. that's stupid.

i realised the other day how friggin sweet my name is. Christianna Derks. NOBODY has that name!! NOBODY. seriously.. type that in a search engine and anything that matches, it's ME! i thought that was pretty cool. i'm pretty sure no other Christianna Derks exists on the planet. pretty sure. maybe like 98.7% sure. I mean srsly... my last name [married name] is pretty rare by itself... and there are many people with similar first names as me, but very few have the exact spelling C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N-N-A as i do. most people with my name have only one "n".

once again i'm so vain i probably think this blog is about me. and once again, it IS about me. so yeah. THERE.

i really have nothing interesting to type about.i'm so far behind on updating my current life status that it would take a gargantuan entry to really catch up. and i'm so not about to do that. boo.

so sorry, my stalker friends.

i WILL say... er.. GLOAT about my graduation from AIU online with a 4.0 GPA Bachelor's of the Fine Arts degree! YES! so sanga, it hurts. like ouch. ET phone home.

okay. enough with the sporadic updatage.

i love myself!

bai!

+updates for days+
wow... my poor little pita.

i bet all my stalkers are just WONDERING what the crap happened to me... myeh hehehehehe e___e

so.. here i am in my new home... settled in after the first TWO MONTHS. i have another boring cubicle desk job. everything is pretty much the same... EXCEPT rent is a LOT cheaper and I don't hate this state. PLUS... NC weather is niiiiiiice. It's SO WARM here. even in the winter.

uhhh.. lessee.... i graduate at the end of this week. WOOOOOOOOOOOOT! my current teacher is such a lame-ass though, bc she grades all retarded. Like seriously... she took off like 80 points [out of 200] on this one assignment bc of this tiny little stupid thing. LUCKILY i was able to resubmit it [took me like TWO seconds to fix it] and got most of the points back, but MAN. seriously? its my LAST CLASS. GOSH. and i'm not slacking, either- I've actually been AHEAD of schedule on my portfolio website, my professor just wants everything done all caveman-like and "step by step"... adn thats just not how i do, man. that's not how i do. I had my site live and running during the first week of class, but does that help? nooooooooooooooooooooooo... bc SOMEONE wants everything all done in this slow retardando process and i can't handle that! I am chomping at the bit, trying to get my portfolio site finished so i can start submitting it to the empoyers. DUDE.

soooooooo anyway... prolly the next time i come on here to blog i will have finished it all and i will HAVE my peice of PAPER. yes. this glorious peice of paper that works like a magical key that opens doors... e_______e

i srsly am excited though. like... NNnNNNNnnnNNYAAAH!! excited. really.

...

like i think i just peed a little.

+numbered days+
so here i am... at work... blogging.

i really don't have much on my mind right now... other than the fact that i just need to get through 9 more days of work [after today] before i get to TAKE OFF- and never see this place again. wOOt. i'm so excited. i'm actually more excited now than i was about leaving for BMT. and i was SUPER EXCITED to go to BMT. that is.. before the epic fail of all that lol

buuuuut.. yeah. anyway.

so onto the broken toe thing... i guess i should just make a little note in here about my toe. it's been 2 weeks since i broke my big toe now. and it's doing a lot better. i have a follow up appointment this afternoon at the VA hospital. yes. i said it. the VA hospital. it is pretty shameful that without even competing a full enlistment, i have been able to acheive veteran's status. -_-;;;; kinda embarrassing.

...stings the nostrils.

anyway... byah. man i'm so unorganized. well.. i'mma take off. cos... i gotta do some work. this work that i hate, but i do so well....

so... peas. and carrots. for all.

lol.. just reminded me of "me and Jen-nay were like peas and car-rots!"

adhbuesiowehdiowhdalndlasssssssssss.

okay m'bye :3

+pink?!+
as much as i tend to shy away from the color.. pink really isn't that bad. i think i kinda like the color pink. i don't obsess about it or anything... it's just a color.

so, here is me embracing the color pink. all over my lonely little blog.

myeh

TWOWEEKSLEFTTOGO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

new entry
less than a month and a half to go! [insert obligatory Daughtrey song here; 'i'm goin home']

arOoooooOoOo i don't know what to write [type?]. i am at a loss for words.

what a waste of an entry -_-;;;

...

...

maybe i'll try again later...

once again...
wow... i can't stop changing my layout here. augh.... i feel so uninspired. everything i come up with seems unoriginal or uncreative.. just... BLAH. :/

iono... i am really just so anxious right now. anxious about everything.... i have so much going on... working full time, having school full time... school is so demanding of my spare time, and yet i find myself trolling the net out of boredom... i mean WTF? how can i be "bored" when i have so much to do?

ack. i'm in a funk... i feel like i have nothing to show for myself as a designer. i am so close to finishing my degree and i am UTTERLY apprehensive about setting out to actually find a career that i can slide into once i have it. i mean... with all these horror stories out there about how DIFFICULT it is to get a job even WITH a degree... i don't know what to expect. PLUS i hear from everyone how hard it is to get into the graphic design field. i'm thinking maybe that refers to people who don't have any artistic background, who think they can just "learn" how to have a good eye for things like that. you can't just "learn" it. it has to be in you. that's what i think anyway. you need to be able to look at design and SEE it, and determine whether it is in good artistic taste. you have to know when a drawing looks BAD, and be able to differentiate between artistic talent and the lack thereof.

anyway... i'm tired, and it's late. so, off i go for tonight.

peace.

+coffee?+
i have no IDEA where this layout came from... it was totally random. i dont know what i was thinking. im weird.

ANYWAY... just three months left till the fabulous move back to the east coast. FIRST thing ima do when i get to NC is hit up tha BEACH!! i miss the ocean TT___TT

well...i'm off... on another non-adventure...

au revoir!

zomglmao...

click and lol

XD

heres a survey i found that i did back when i was 18! LOL i was funny:

Survey

I am not: narrow minded.
I hurt: inside.
I love:God.
I hate: no one.
I forget: a lot.
I remember: sometimes.
I imagine: all the time.
I hope: mai bro gets home okay.
I crave: true love.
I regret: stOOpid thngs ive done on purpose.
I care: too much.
I fear:God.
I always: lose mai glasses.
I want: Jun.
I feel alone: like HeeJun.
I listen:well. i think. huh?
I hide: mai thoughts sometimes.
I drive: like theres no tomorrow.
I sing: in my car.
I cry: at strange moments.
I destroy: my sanity when i let myself ponder.
I write: stuff.
I wake: early... if i can.
I breathe: life.
I play: the violin.
I venture: into the unknown.
I find: adventure.
I pray: for you.
I miss: C@rol
I kiss: you. i kiss you. i kiss you.
I succeed: if i try.
I search: for things lost.
I learn: what i want.
I feel: love.
I know: more than you think.
I joke: a lot.
I say: what i mean...unless its mean.
I change: my underwear every day.
I fail: when i dont try.
I dream: of adventure.
I wonder: who wrote the book of love. hah.
I worry: rarely.
I wish: for world peace.
I fight: when i need to.
I am: JunGaeHyuk
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Part One - Names]
1. Your REAL Name: christi
2. What friends call you: mOnki or JunGaeHyuk
3. How old are you?: eighteen
4. What's a name you once wished you'd rather have?: Jun
5. What is/are the ugliest name(s) you can think of?: phant and grr.
7. If there was a song about you, what would it be called?: bOOm chiK
8. What your (ex) boy/girl friend calls you: who knows?
9. What would you name a ship you built?: Johnny Depp
10. If you wrote a book, what would it be called?: The Story Without A Name
[Part Two - Have you ever...]
11. Thrown up in public?: ya. TT_TT
12. Eaten or drank anything spoiled?: overdue milk...
13. Had a rip in your pants you didn't know about?: maybe... i dont know.
14. Tripped while checking someone out?: its happened.
15. Had to pay for something you broke?: no, i try to stay away from breakable-thing stores.
16. Nearly drowned?: no... im a good swimmer.
17. Passed out?: ive always wanted to kno what thats like... but u prolly dont remember it anyways...O_o
18. Had a crush on somebody NOT single?: i guess... but its not like i hit on them or anything.
19. Been stuck in the rain?: that always happens.
20. Been attacked by an animal?: geese are evil vermin.
21. Caught people having sex?: i wanna skip this one...
22. Fallen asleep while driving?: almost, but not quite.
23. Felt attracted to someone of the same sex?: guama drama. but it wasnt serious.
24. Actually slipped on a banana peel?: i dont think that really happens, but i could be wrong.
25. Made a wish that came true?: lots of times.

[Part Three - Complete The Sentence]
27. It's hot. I should take off my... glasses.
28. I don't even know why I'm... like this.
29. I'd give anything to have sex with... jun [pierrot]...maybe more with kirito.
31. If i had six bucks i'd buy... sushi.
32. I'm only racist towards... nobody.
33. It's always more fun if you... laugh.
34. You can't eat steak without... A1 sauce.
35. You better shut up before I... poke your eye out.
36. Just put it in my... car. i put everything else in there, anyway.
37. I really like you and everything...but...well, actually...i dont.
38. I'm not who you think I am. I'm really a... girl.
39. Dude! Where's my... glasses?

[Part Four - What would you do if...]
40. A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass?: declare the day "slap a$$ day" and slap him back.
41. You witness somebody about to steal your car?: yell "moon prism power", transform into sailor moon, and with help from the sailor scouts... heal him of the evil negaverse's spell. actually, id prolly scream bloody murder and attempt to maul them.
42. You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed?: how the heck did a billion spiders get into my room? i was probably dreaming.
43. You farted while giving a persuasive speech in class?: blame it on someone else...?
44. The person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes?: well, that was dumb.
46. The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized?: i'd legalize drugs, so everybody'd get bored of them, and the thug rappers wouldnt have anything interesting to sing...er... talk about...and i'd de-legalize porn...cuz ppl can jolly well figure something better to do with their spare time.
47. Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables?: like that would ever happen. but even though i dont like her, i'd try to help.
48. You had a time machine?: break it before someone tries to use it for evil... wait... use it for evil, and then break it so nobody else could use it for evil.
49. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted?: i dunno... maybe, i'd dress up as mimi from the drew carey show and do my rendition of the opening theme.

[Part Five- Would you rather...]
50. Would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for aids?: thats an awful question... i think cancer... if you dont want aids, then dont have unprotected sex. well thats teribble for me to say...cuz ppl get raped...so...i realli dunno.
51. Would you rather have the power to fly, or the power to teleport?: i wanna be able to teleport...then i can visit Korea, Japan, and China in the same day. wOOt.
52. Would you rather have the power to see the future, or the power to record your dreams?: i'd like to think that the future doesnt exist until it happens... i guess being able to record mai dreams would be trippin... O_o
53. Would you rather be really skinny, or really fat?: i think it would be fun to be fat... but im skinny and i like it... so... watever.
54. Would you rather be lost in a forest, or stuck in a box?: lost in a forest would be nice... why would i want to be stuck in a box -___-;;;
55. Would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy?: comedy... but i'd rather be in a thriller...like the ring... mwahahahahah...
56. Would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video?: rOoOoCK. >_<
57. Would you rather have your birthday on Christmas Day, or on February 29th?: watever... i dont really care.
58. Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan? Afghanistan...but thats an awful question...
59. Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary?: oh my... i'd love to be in a mental instutution... i could meet more ppl like me.
60. Would you rather snow board or hang glide?: snowboard... ive never realli wanted to hang glide.
61. Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?: ninja. doi...except... i would like to be captain sparrow from that new pirate movie thats out... Johnny Depp...hes hot.

[Part Six - What's the FIRST thing that comes to your mind when you read the following words?]
62. Courage: the cowardly lion.
63. Driver: wanted.
64. Yoga: yogurt.
65. Bakery: cinnamon.
66. Roach: STOMP.
67. Mushroom: shitake.
68. Sprung: past tense of spring.
69. Exotic: birds.
70. Pythagorean: theorum.

[Part Seven - Miscellaneous]
71. Construct an acronym for these words. (example: G M S = Give Me Steak)
a. S O L R A C: Stoopid Old Ladys Read About Crap
b. D A N G E R: Dummies Always Need Great Entertaining Retards
c. C H I N A: Christi Heart In Nice Asia
d. R P G: Rambunctious Pregnant Grapes
72. What is your definition of love?: love is all you need.
73. List 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in: skinny pretty boi knows of, but type it in acronym form. what? i think im missing part of the survey...74-75
76. Were you too scared to do it?: huh?
77. Who or what is your worst enemy?: phant and grr
78. Who is the last person you kicked?: Nick... but i didnt mean to.
79. If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be?: knight.
80. Name three people you know whose names begin with the last letter of your first name: IGU... (DongHyun's pet iguana...) dagnabit, whos name begins with an "i"?
81. What's one romantic thing somebody's done for you?: argh... it was romantic at the time.. but not anymore. -_-;;;;
82. If you had to break one of your bones, which bone would it be?: mai nose. and then i'd get surgery to fix it, and they can make it smaller.

[Part Eight - What Is Your opinion?]
83. "Girls are nothing but drama.": thats quite a generalization...
84. "Only idiots watch The Simpsons.": are you calling me an idiot? actually, i rarely watch the show... but watching a tv show doesnt automatically make you an idiot.
85. "Kentucky is way better than Cali": part eight is getting annoying.
86. "There's nothing wrong with stealing.": i've tried to believe that when the oppurtunity came so pleasantly.. but i'd feel the guilt so bad if i ever actually did it...
87. "Alcohol is the answer to ALL your problems.": right. that and marijuana.
88. "You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon.": sure...i just hope i wont ever be needing any brain surgery.
89. "Music is stupid.": all music was made for some reason. if it means something to somebody it cant be that stupid.
90. "Your car sucks.": i dont care. i love my car cuz i have one and it takes me where i wanna go.

[Part Nine - Answer the questions with song titles ONLY:]
How do some people feel about you?: Im Just A Girl
Where would you rather be?: Labirynth
Describe how you live: Erase and Rewind
Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: To You I Bestow

+i fail+
lol. i so fail for breaking my "new year's resolution" of blogging at a minimum of every other day. oh well. easy come, easy go :3

i thought of something to write about today... i am going to write about the dream i had last night. so here it goes...

the beginning as i remember, started in some car driving through a less populated, countryside [iono where specifically]. i guess i was in the car, but in my dreams i tend to be somewhat omniscient, and i jump around different points of view.

so... the car pulls off to this area, where there is a little building. the building looks kind of cute, and well taken care of- though a little out of place in it's surroundings. i go inside, and find what looks like a pet shop.... except instead of your typical guinea pigs, aquarium fish, and puppies/kittens~ there are more exotic animals. i recall a baby tiger, a rhino, some huge, colorful bird that i cannot name, a bobcat all off the top of my head. that's all i can remember. anyway, right away, i walk towards the kennel with the bobcat in it, because the bobcat looks pissed [yeah... it looks pissed and therefore, i decide to approach it (?) lol] so this little bobcat is thrashing around inside its cage, and i notice the latch is starting to come loose. the next thing i know, the animal busts out of the cage and comes at me. there is a scuffle... and then somehow i wrestle the guy back into his hutch and close it tight. i remember being bitten on the hand, though it didn't break skin or anything. it hurt, man. anyway, i look at that mofo and say... "nnnnO!" and then i proceed to explore the rest of the place.
in the corner of the room, there is a tall cardboard box [much like the size of a refrigerator box, maybe a little bigger] and i look inside... and there's this cute blonde girl in it. like... really cute. and then she says that she is a missing playboy model. apparently, she has been "missing" for a long time, and some strange people put her in this box, inside this weird pet shop, with all these wild animals. at the time, i didn't think of the question "why didn't you just walk out of the box, and go home?" because everything seemed to make some sort of sense at the time.
anyway... the scene changed suddenly, and i was in my old job at Old Navy. the only thing that was the same, was in the corner of the room, the cardboard box was still there~ and the girl was still with me. somehow we figured out, that if we put a person in the box, a big chunk of money would appear when the person came out. so... we started running around Old Navy, getting people to go into the box and come out.
that went on for a while and at some point, people started to catch on, so we had to hide the box or something. i don't remember much at this point, because everything started getting weird and blurring around me. i remember at one point i was making out with the girl [ I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!] and then there were socks and then my alarm went off and i woke up.

i really hate it when i have a confusing dream like that and then it ends abrubtly by my alarm clock. then i wanna go back to sleep and figure out what happend next. but i can't, cos i have to get ready for work. EW!

so that was my dream of weirdness last night. there will be many more to come, i promise. it happens every night. a lot of times i die in them. i gotta remember one when i die so i can talk about it. its facinating.

okay.. back to work :3

+laughable...+
i am... at this moment feeling utterly pleased with myself. common decency fails me to allow an extreme elaboration on the topic, but suffice it to say that i am a clever beast.

i was able to uncover some.. lost evidence per se... relating to a little uh... discrepancy in my past [between me and a certain unmentionable former "friend"]. basically, a lot of shit has come to light for me. a lot of.. unanswered questions per se.

i am feelin GENKI, yo!

anyway, other than that things are moving along in life for me. slowly, but surely. i just had a long-needed review at work. they went on and on about how butt special i am, and how i go above and beyond the call of duty. even though if you ask me, the "call of duty" here is really simple. OH yeah, and they fired the other guy in our section because he sucked at the job. so now were down to four people [including moi]. c'est bien! i am kickin ass and taking names.

i told them about my future plans of moving back east. spherion [the temp agency i work through] is hard pressed to keep me in their company, so they say that they will hook me up with a job as soon as i get to NC. which is flippin sweet, cos that will REALLY help out. they even said they can probably get me an assignment ready before i even get there. THATS how butt special of an asset i am to their company... {PUN intended but not even cared about}!! wOOts for days.

okay i think its time to humble myself a little.

....

wait...

...

good enough.

XD

one..and two...
new layout. again. can't make up my mind.

um... yeah...
ignore the retarded layout... i was sick of the other one and i had to throw something up in its place. its temporary.

WOW, i dont even know who i'm talking to right now. nobody reads this. lol [except for you, martin... >.> sometimes...]

mmmkay. yeah.

life is nuts!
ok... i figured... since this is like the unknown blog of the internets it won't hurt for me to just... talk about this, although it is fairly personal. but it's like.. my blog... my personal journal. so if i wanna write it, i'll write it. plus i can send my friends here to get the scoop on this EPIC tale of LIES, MANIPULATION, INSANITY and DECEIT, otherwise known as my life right now.

to prevent the compromise of possibly classified information, the names in the story have been changed. although if you KNOW me personally you will know these people in the context of their relation to me anyway. but otherwise, yeah iono whatever.

so it begins... on a day like any other. i come to work in the buttcrack of monday morning as usual, and i'm pretty cranky because of this that and the other~ mainly because it is the buttcrack of monday morning. i'm sitting at my desk, performing filing actions and all of a sudden i get a call from my step mother [who from here on out will be referred to as THE BEAST]. i let it go to voicemail as usual, because i hate talking to THE BEAST because she is an idiot most of the time.
later, i check the voicemail and THE BEAST is in a disheveled state, frantically telling me that I should call back immediately because there is an emergency. now… knowing THE BEAST, an emergency can be anything from “there is a power outage and I can’t find my way to the bathroom to pop some of my narcotic pills” to “the house is on fire” so at the thought of it ranging more towards the latter, i decide to give her a call.

lo and behold, my father [who will furthermore be referred to as THE IDIOT] has chased a few beers with 6 or 7 sleeping pills and he has been rushed to the hospital.

WTF?

now, let me tell you something about THE IDIOT. THE IDIOT is hypothetically a smart man. the only reason he is known as THE IDIOT, is because sometimes smart people do stupid things. in the case of THE IDIOT, he has performed a series of idiotic feats in his life which have obviously ended him up in this current situation. being a smart man, THE IDIOT knows that as much as the sleeping pills would eff him up, they certainly and without a doubt wouldn’t actually kill him~ ESPECIALLY, because he gave ample warning to THE BEAST that he was about to do it, via a text message in the form of “GOODBYE, [THE BEAST]” in which case THE BEAST then proceeded to kick down the garage door to see THE IDIOT chilling in his chair, smoking a cigarette with an open pill bottle beside him.

so… apparently, THE BEAST is all “distraught” and claims she could never have seen this coming and goes on and on about “how can THE IDIOT do this to me???” blah blah blah.. and i’m like, okay, get a hold of yourself. this is obviously a cry for help, if not just for attention. let the doctors deal with him now, so we can figure out what is wrong.

of course, in my head i’m thinking “YOU STUPID EFFING IDIOT.WHY ARE YOU SUCH A RETARDED BABY-MAN???” [side note/ the term baby-man refers to a Debilitas {a character from the game Haunting Grounds} type of grown man who is stuck with the mind of a child, or in more extreme cases, an infant. /end side note].

i’m not going to go into extreme detail about the relationship between me and my father [aka THE IDIOT]. basically, all i can say for now is that he is your typical dead beat dad-type figure. so you can imagine this fact, in addition to knowing that he was selfish enough to perform an action so stupid to scream for attention "LOOK AT MEEEEE!", is why I have little TO NO sympathy for him in this case.

so time goes by, and he is released from the “regular sick people” ward, to the “possibly insane people” ward. for a couple days he is placed in confinement, with no visiting privileges. this is, as I am told, punishment for his actions. this information is all relayed to me via THE BEAST, by the way, as she is the only one who can tell me first hand what is happening [or what is happening according to her interpretation which we will get to later]. THE BEAST tells me at some point that THE IDIOT is going to be reviewed by a shrink and that will determine whether he needs another two weeks in the place or not. [note that currently it is like thursday or friday and the appointment with the shrink is on the upcoming monday].

i think, somewhere around this point- is where the drama begins. THE BEAST calls me in a frenzy again to “let me know” that my birth mother [who shall be referred to now as THE VICTIM] has called the hospital in the attempt to find out what is going on with THE IDIOT. let me point out, that it is claimed that a nurse walked into THE IDIOT’s room and said “your ex wife called. She wants to know what is going on.” at no point did THE IDIOT or THE BEAST claim to have actually talked to anyone on the phone~ all that was said was that supposedly a nurse relayed this message to THE IDIOT.

so now, THE BEAST goes into this malicious frenzy and cooks up this fantastic story about how “THE VICTIM is trying to contact THE IDIOT to find out if he is dead yet, because she knows that if THE IDIOT dies, she is entitled to his entire retirement check for the rest of her life” and THE BEAST then proceeds to call THE VICTIM, leaving an accusatory message on her answering MACHINE about how if THE VICTIM tries to call the hospital again, she WILL GO TO JAIL for harassment.

yes, folks. this happened for real. not on TV. honestly, i could write a novel about the insanity of THE BEAST and what this woman is like.. but there is NO WAY possible to write in a believable manner, the way this insane woman is without said novel eventually sounding like a science fiction story. i’m afraid all i can ask is that you take my word that I am not fabricating any part of this insane story, as unbelievable as it may seem.

anyway, all while this is happening, THE BEAST makes sure to document for me [by leaving a voicemail every hour or so] what she did, what messages she left for THE VICTIM, and what is going on. every. step. of the way.

so then THE VICTIM calls me in a fright asking what this crazy woman wants from her, and I ASK her, “did you call the hospital about THE IDIOT?” her response, as I had expected was “what?!? why would I ever- what is going on? i don’t even know where he is?!” not to mention that I already know that the only info THE VICTIM ever had about what was going on was from ME, and all I had ever told her was that he was in a hospital [the day he actually did the stupid deed] and at no point did she know what city THE IDIOT was in, what hospital he was in, or that he was even currently still in the hospital.

what do i do then, i call THE BEAST back and say, “no, THE VICTIM did NOT call the hospital and perhaps there is some kind of mistake?” and then…. THE BEAST transforms… into this FIREY EVIL SUPER-SAIYAN form of THE regular BEAST and says “OH YES SHE DID!! SHE IS LYING TO YOU!! the victim IS A LIAR, I KNOW HOW SHE IS, I KNOW WHAT SHE IS THINKING, SHE IS LYING TO YOU!!” etc etc etc…

at this point i’m already dreading where this whole thing is going. THE BEAST has decided that she will NOT rest until she has CONVINCED me, until I “have seen the light” that THE VICTIM is a LIAR. THE BEAST then proceeds once again to call THE VICTIM and leave NUMEROUS threatening messages about how THE VICTIM must confess her lies to her children or she [THE BEAST] will SHOW me[and my sister] the DOCUMENTED PROOF of her lies. apparently, the hospital themselves provided this information.

I told THE BEAST repeatedly that THE VICTIM did not call the hospital and regardless it didn’t MATTER if she did or not because i still HATE THE BEAST!!

this battle has been raging on for a few days now and basically I’ve told THE BEAST that she can go to hell for all I care.

now, you may be thinking why don’t you just let it go? just stop fighting THE BEAST? I’ll tell you why; THE BEAST is RELENTLESS. if I let THE BEAST feel like she has won this battle, then she will be coming back for more later on down the line. aside from that, THE BEAST crossed a forbidden boundary by attacking THE VICTIM, the audacity of that alone makes me want to KILL her! plus, i’m also persistent and stubborn. so RAGE ON!! I will fight this battle until THE BEAST is lying bloody at my feet. metaphorically speaking, that is. she started it and i’m gonna end it.

this whole thing could be a movie, with all the theatrics i’ve experienced. no joke. the insanity of it all is just.. well it’s insane. if I were to make this into a movie, it would be cast as such….

there you go, for a little entertainment i thought i would throw that in. i could go on and on, because there are so many more levels to this story [such as voicelmails, threats, police interaction, accusations made against ME rearding MY questionable sanity, drama between my SISTER, my mom and myself, the list goes on...] but seeing how this appears to be the longest blog in my personal blogging history I think I will wrap it up here. so there you have it, people. that is the insanity of my life right now.

to be continued, I guess…

posers
ugh... POSERS. everywhere i look, everyone is a friggin poser.

seriously... what happened to the cool people who act themselves regardless of how they imagine everyone else perceives them? i mean... yeah there are still a few out there.. but gosh. they are so hard to find nowadays.

i was just looking at a japanese fashion forum and was reading about all the gyaru fashion styles and stuff... and then all the people who try and follow their looks... its like... seriously? do you HAVE to try so hard to put yourself in a category like that? i mean, for real... the whole thing is about conformity and yet it brags of individuality... its just this HUGE... ongoing hypocritical scene.

i mean, i like japanese fashion myself to an extent, but to i go to extreme lengths to "follow" a certain style religiously? NO. because that is LAME. so LAME. its so lame if you can't be fashion forward on your own without following all the "RULES" and "TRENDS".

just be yourself, man. for real. just be you. maybe get some cute clothes here and some cute clothes there. but don't attach yourself to this ideal thought of religiously following a "certain style" to where that defines WHO YOU ARE. that's just pathetic.

people just can't think for themselves anymore.

DSi!!
wOOt! i totally got my DSi yesterday. i am here to brag and flaunt to nobody about it, too. yayayay XD its like.. the mac daddy of handheld gaming systems... i am... the biggest... nerd-o.

let's explore some of the fun new features of the Nintendo DSi....

REVIEW-age!!!!:

it has not one... but TWO cameras [one inside, one outside] with like... eleven [i think] different lenses that do all kinds of cool things like mirror effect, frames, graffiti, color replace, resemblance finder, emote, etc etc etc...

it has a sound editor tool in which you can play with your recorded voice and SONGS which you can transfer to your DSi via and SD memory card....

it has a new matte finish so no more greasy finger prints...

on the down side... there is no more slot for the old Gameboy games... HOWEVER, you can still download the games through the wireless in a number of different ways

you can connect to the online shop, wirelessly and dl games and other cool software...

all in all... the new DSi is... the ultimate win. it takes the cake. i... don't even care about getting a new cell phone anymore, because all i need is my DSi now. XD i can deal with my crappy cell phone. LOL

...kay.. i'm done gloating now...

:3

random rambling....
i've always marvelled at the fact that most people find it difficult to see themselves. i mean this in a relatively literal sense, actually. like... when you take a picture of yourself and look at it...

most people don't actually SEE. i mean, it's hard to see yourself. a lot of the time people think they look really cute/good in a picture and they don't realize how ugly they really are. it's somewhat cruel, yes~ but most people are actually uglier than they think they are.

take myself, for instance. i might post a picture up on myspace or what-have-you, and think that picture is really cute. however, if i wasn't myself i might not actually think that picture was cute at all. in fact, i might be like "woah that be one uglay baby it's too cold here!" but i don't think that, and that's probably because i am biased or something. like, i WANT myself to be cute, so i AM cute [to me].

basically, it's hard to look at yourself non-objectively. you just think, "oh that's me, i look good!" and your brain believes you. but on the same note, you can look at a picture of someone else- who may be equal to or even better looking that you- and think "oh that person is ugly".

of course, there's the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing", which is for the most part true, but still not completely relevant in regards to what i'm talking about. actually, the sad thing about that little cliche, is that the only reason beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is because the "beholder" is usually able to see underneath the outside layer of person.

anyway... dood i totally have no idea where i am going with this...

oh yeah, my main point- it's hard for people to see themselves non-objectively.

it's so easy for people to judge others' appearances, but when it comes to ones own self it's a whole different ballgame. you're way more forgiving. your standards are dropped below your normal judging level.

so... in the end... is this wrong? is it a bad thing for ugly people to think they are cute? nah... not really. i mean, its good to keep that self-esteem pumping. it would suck if everyone could see their true ugliness [outside ugliness] because everyone would be a lot more depressed. and not just emo-depressed [pseudo-depressed/angsty] but really just... sad.

looking back now i guess the same concept kind of goes towards the inside ugly as well. people don't see their inside ugliness. THAT is a bad thing. because if you could see your inner-ugly then you would have a better chance at changing it for the better. AUUUGH.... inner-ugly... i hate you.

+aaah lalalaa+
yep. i have been neglecting my blog lately. GUILTY!

dood. tomorrow is the second friday 13th in a row, cos last month's 13th landed on friday too. notice how i tend to keep track of day 13? that's because its my precious birthday, and i'm so self-centered. or something. iono.

el oh ehhhhl.

i've been spending oodles of time on my little domain thingy. i've got a resume site up... kind of. it needs work. i've learned how to make a flash slideshow [like MAKE it in Adobe flash, not generate a pre-made one] so i'm working on making a mini slideshow to display my portfolio. i got it working, but i'm an idiot because i made the bloody thing to big. so i either have to re-do the flash, or the layout. i'm not sure which one i'm gonna do yet.

Well! i will leave you with this....

CAMMY is UGLAYYYYYYY!!!!

that's for you, martin. :P

XD XD XD XD

hosted the mosted
christiannaderks.com, bitches!

youtubage= deleted

that is all.

EW! lol
deleted

bleep
LMAO my instructor called me Christinanna. hello, my name is Christinanna. the shit is Christinannas! Christi-N-A-N-N-A-S!!

um... yeah... yesterday i was off work because Tony needed the jeep all day for some special thing he was doing for work. classroom training stuff. so as you can see i spent my day off creating my first vlog. whooo flippin hoo. i know its pretty retarded... but isn't vlogging like something you need to slowly progress at? i think it is. and thats all that matters here in Christinanna town. :3

lol Martin... i really hope you don't leave me hangin.. cuz i will totally feel like a dumb ass. LMAO ex deeee

i've decided to probably not do the whole Daria thing every time. that's because i want to use other random songs for my "opening theme". and the daria thing will prolly get old. but i WILL be playing some kind of song at the beginning/end of my videos.. depending on the mood i am at the time.

dood. it took like 30 minutes to edit a 4 minute video. LOL

uhhh okay... well i gotta get back to [pretending to] work.

:3

i did it!
deleted

Friday theThirteenth
nope. i'm not superstitious. and seriously...if i were to be worried about friday the 13th... the would be certain years where i would be dreading my own birthday... because my birthday is on a 13th. oh and HEY! so is martin's! [HI MARTIN!]

man.. lately... i have been angsty as hell. i know why. my MONSTERRRRRR. lol yup. goin through that this week. and it's been KILLIN me. AUGHHHH.

i want to start a vlog. i would totally post my vlog entries on here too. just upload em' to youtube and embed them in here. yeah. the only thing... is i wanna use my digital camcorder- NOT my shitty webcam. but i can't find the charger for my camcorder. :/ EW

so... pending my finding that charger, i will definitely start vlogging. maybe not every day or anything... but maybe like... once a week at least. i think it would be fun. i could put my FAT face all over my blog. and exploit my stOOpid chipmunk voice. i'm gonna try and talk LOWER though. for reals.

myeh... my thoughts are unorganized today and i don't care. woo HOO i don't care.

Douchebag is extra annoying today. makin all these corny jokes about 'gettin married'. *SLAP* yeah... i wish i could just reach over the cube wall and *SLAP*. but i can't. something about... physical harrassment in the office. it's illegal. or something.

okay... well.. martin~ you go buy them sexy stylish clothes we looked at yesterday. you DO that. and then you take some pics of your cute fatness wearing them!! ew! i'm so bossy! LOL ahhh i luv yew.

okay... i'm done for the day.

void
this week has been busy. XP

super busy.

there's also this weird.. awkward scenario at work right now.. like when i first got here [about 10 months ago]i came in here thinking this was a temp-to-hire position.
that's what my agency told me, anyway. but they were wrong. when i got here, there were four people working in my section, one of which wasa temp [like me] but he had *JUST* been hired on as a permanent employee.
IMMEDIATELY after that, there was a freeze set on the company. so i *just* missed the window to go permanent.

the irony of the situation now, is that the other temp who was made permanent SUCKS ASS at his job. and i rule. not to be vain or egotistical, but i do carry more than 50% of the workload [among FIVE people, meaning i do the work equivalent of about FOUR people- if my math makes any sense to you]

so now they are all sitting around wondering why they got stuck with the lame-o instead of getting me. of course they don't do anything about it, cuz they're all a bunch of pussies. their answer is to audit EVERY single thing the crappy guy does, to check/catch his errors. not they could take me on permanent if they got rid of him, because the company is still in a freeze.
they are just barely able to keep me too, in light of the freeze.

however, i'm not exactly the one whos laughing, because while i do get paid pretty well, i am missing out on a lot of the perks of a permanent employee, ie. benefits, paid time off and holidays, etc.

so it still sucks to be me. :P

tuesday
it's tuesday.

...

yup.

ooRAH... HOOah...
Nothing to talk about to day. You can tell I’m typing this in a Microsoft Outlook email, because my sentences are all capitalized and junk.

Ugh. Douchebag is particularly annoying today. Betch.

ARGH! I feel so ANGSTY today! I wanna SLAP someone! OH I know, I wanna slap bikini girl from American idol. Ew. I am so guilty for watching AI, but sometimes I get bored… and I just turn on the TV and its THERE. So I watch it. Seriously though, I really can’t stand bikini girl… I wanna SLAP her! She is such a BETCH! I see another Paris Hilton in the making. I just know she is gonna skulk out a retarded CD as a result of this little publicity stunt she pulled. It just really annoys me.

And then they went and got rid of Emily… one of the few people on the show with talent. -_-;;; although she did kind of make some bad choices… man she had talent though! And she was so cute.

okay that’s enough AI talk from me. Hopefully Tony gets reactivated soon so we can get out of here SOON and I can try and have a life again.

myah.

another one bites the dust
office life, is a strange, strange phenomenon. the habitation of cubes consisting of files, computers and office supplies is just not NATURAL for human beings. although one would be convinced to believe otherwise taking a look at the office setting. in fact it seems quite natural indeed.

but its not.

anyway prologues aside, i am going to talk about my cube neighbor today. Patrick. or, as i like to call him, Douchebag. this dude... i RARELY actually SEE him, but every waking day of my life spent in my cube, i have to listen to him. lets talk about Douchebag for a little bit.

Douchebag is a liability examiner. from what i have learned in over 9 months of working adjacent to this guy's cube, his job is to contact the company's insureds and discuss the events of the accidents and negotiate claims. basically, he tries to figure out who is liable for the accident and if it's ANOTHER insurance company's customer, then he tries to get as much money possible for the claim. if one of Northland's [the company we work for] insureds, then he tries to negotiate a settlement as low as possible.

so that, in as little words as i can manage, is what Douchebag does all day. needless to say, he is on the phone for the majority of the time.

so, pray tell, what makes me DESPISE Douchebag so much? {you may be asking...} well, to be completely HONEST... i'm not particularly SURE. mostly, i just hate his mannerisms, his way of trying to establish rapport with claimants, and his VOICE. his voice closely [but not EXACTLY] resembles that of Kermit the frog. he's got that little bubble in his throat, ya know? he's a skinny, nerdy guy... about 30 something years old, and he lives in a condo here in the city- close enought to WALK to work here. this is, mind you, all based on what i have heard him talk about over the months i have been here. he is now engaged and to be married in the late summer, and couldn't possibly be a bigger LOSER. like i said, i don't know WHAT it is that makes me loathe this guy so much, but if you could listen to what i hear from him EVERY SINGLE DAY, you would probably understand right away. if i were some kind of poet laureate, maybe i could describe to you in better detail what he is like, but i'm not. so whatever. think of the guy on the movie Office Space- Bill Lumbergh - the annoying boss guy. Douchbag is the equivalent in annoyingness of this guy. but, not the same kind of annoyingness.

anyway, there's just another reason this job sucks. annoying, minnesotan cubicle neighbors.

lalala...
i start my web design class next week. woo HOO!

i'm anxious to see what i can learn that will maybe help me fix this blog up a little bit. although, "fixing" this blog might eventually require the purchase of my own domain... kekeke... i have been thinking about it.

maybe... after THIS month's rent check clears... lol. i've got my fingers crossed. that it will clear, i mean. yeah... i mean, we've got plenty of money flowing in... just not at the right times :P if that makes any sense.

anyway... that's a little too much financial info right there. not that a plethora of people read this. myeh

so... Tony is contemplating a possible... re-activation. this would be super awesome if we could eventually get shipped over seas. *wishing wishing wishin* XD

i'm gonna leave that alone for now.

woo hoo, friday tomorrow. it can't come fast enough.

another week [almost] down.

positivity...
Okay, I thought of something nice to write about. This past weekend, I went ice fishing. It was kinda fun. We drove out onto a frozen lake and drilled holes into the ice with this fantastic invention called an electric auger. It drills hole [approx 8 inches in diameter] through 4-6 feet of frozen ice in like… 15 seconds. Kinda scary. But pretty cool. You charge the thing through your car battery. It’s a lot better than the noisy, smelly gas powered augers.

Anyway… the cool thing is I caught a delicious bass. Like Napoleon Dynamite would say. It was pretty decent too, about 12 inches. I hear that’s pretty good. Especially when everyone else around you is catching nothing besides the occasional 4-5inch sunfish or crappie. Heh. Yeah. I’m all proud of myself.

I use, what I call, the impatient methodof fishing. This is when everyone around you is saying wait for it… wait for it… but you don’t wait for it. that’s how I catch fish. 65% of the time it works, every time.

OH~ and I made a friend. :3
This random dog was wandering around the lake, visiting people and he sat down next to me while I was fishing. He just sat there. Tony took a pic with me cell phone. It was pretty funny.

well that’s all I can think of for today. See? I can write a positive blog after all.

…

for the record though, I still hate MN.

mn sucks
How in the world do we pay over 1K a month for the lease on our shoebox of an apartment for conditions that uncomfortably resemble that of a MOTEL??? Seriously, our apartment is a piece of crap. I mean, on the outside- sure it looks like a high-end fancy place [and we sure do PAY like it is], but the quality of the actual construction is utterly pathetic. NOT TO MENTION the HORRIBLE sealing the place has. Like… every single window leaks in the freezing outside air, not to mention SOUND. Last night…er this MORNING I should say, about 1 am to be specific, I was rudely awakened by the obnoxiously LOUD sound of our neighbors partying on their balcony.

Seriously… I would have completely understood if it was during the weekend, but- MONDAY morning?? Honestly… that is just RUDE. And it wouldn’t really have been THAT bad, if there were ANY kind of sound proofing seal on the windows and between the walls or something. The walls are virtually what people refer to as “paper thin”. I’m pretty sure you could hear Ozzy fart from the next apartment. Not that Ozzy’s farts are quiet or anything, but really.

Every day I find something new out about our apartment building that I hate. And it is only enhanced by the fact that we pay SO MUCH of our hard-earned money every month for such shitty quality.

myeh.

changing the subject somewhat...

I’ve noticed lately that my entries tend to sway towards the more negative aspects of life here in MN. It is turning out to be more of just a rant blog. But I don’t want that. So I am going to try and find more positive things to write about from now on.

…starting tomorrow.

wasting
well, the answer to the question about frozen eyeballs i had a few entries back is yes. eyeballs can freeze. HOWEVER... not unless they are detatched from the body... because while your little orbs rest in your lovely toasty sockets, warm blood is constantly generating through them. so they can't just like... freeze in your head. unless your whole head is horribly... and i mean... gargantuanly frost bitten. in which case you would probably be dead. i am 65% sure of this, and i'll have you know that 85% of the time- i'm right, every time.

ya.

oh, i did some research on the frighteningly disgusting angler fish [because i was bored to death and apparently had nothing better to do than gross myself out on the topic just a little more...] and i found out that.. FEMALE angler fish are just a bit more repugnant than male angler fish. you see, the male angler fish, once matured, can not sustain life on his ugly own and therefore must attach himself to a sugar mama to feed off of her being. and get this- this is so gross- the male angler fish pursues the rest of his existence ATTACHED to the female monstrocity to the point where his BODY actually... morphs into hers. he actually becomes like an extention of her ugly body. how disgustingly romantic in the most nasty sense possible is THAT?

i seriously just threw up a little inside my mouth just now.

okay... well now having left you with my wonderfully wretched research, i must be off... back to work.

Jackson Pollock's birthday today... SPLAT!
lol Martin. you totally gave me content for today's blog. i was thinking, about the weird phobias i have... aside from the fridge thing...lol

i know i have mild claustrophobia... but thats not that weird. hm. i need to find out the term for "fear of monstrous creatures under the sea". lol... brb.

COOOOL! courtesy of phobialist.com, i found a good resource to identify all my phobias.

Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia: Fear of body smells. LMAO XD thats not one of mine, that's actually my little sister's. anytime someone burps, or farts near her she FREAKS out... like... once i belched in the car and she opened her window, gasping for air. if you like... breathe too close to her face, she freaks out. and it's not that she cares if your breath smells bad or whatever, she just... like can't stand the idea of smelling another person. period.

let's see... Genophobia: Fear of sex. well there you go. i'm a genophobe. not that funny.. myeh..

Thalassophobia: Fear of the sea. i recognise the Greek word for ocean/sea... "thalassa". then there's Ichthyophobia: Fear of fish. i wonder if i can say i'm thalassaichthyophobic. not really.. it doesn't quite capture the essence of it. i'm not afraid of fish or the ocean... i'm just afraid of the creepy ugly DEEP sea creatures... like... kraken... EW. the bigger and tentacley-er, or teethier, the scarier. iono why they freak me out so much... but i just think that 1.) DEEP underwater creatures are some of the most horrifying looking organisms out there, and 2.) if you're underwater... you can't run. you can't swim fast... so if one of those things is coming after you, it's GONNA get you. that just freaks me out. like sometimes... i have nightmares about creatures... like those anglerfish... with those big scary teeth and gaping mouths, ready to CHOMP you to peices. tell me the anglerfish is not one of the scariest, UGLIEST things you've ever seen. just thank God they're deep under the sea and not roaming around in clear daylight where they can get you.

anyway in these nightmares i guess i can magically breathe underwater, but those scary creatures are all around me and i can't move and i'm trying to force my way though the water frantically, as the creatures draw near.

oh yeah.. and whoever said that if you die in your dreams, you die in real life is full of shit, because i would have been dead a million times over by now. i get killed all the time in my dreams. iono why. i just tend to have violent scary dreams. anyway... i guess i'll leave the 'dream discussion' for another bored blog.

for now... i gotta get back to work... mYAH. :P

juice
yup. yesterday's entry SUCKS.

well... i thought abt crap to write abt this morning.

this morning, on my way to work i was thinking... damn. Minnesota is fucking cold.
then... on the radio all of a sudden [as if by some form of magical coincidence... or NOT] they began talking abt the weather. apparently, if the weather continues to be less than 32 degrees for just four more days... MN will have officially have experienced and entire month of constant FREEZING temperatures.

woah.

wait.. just think about that for a second... MN has, for over a month, been cold enough to store the contents of your refridgerator freezer outdoors. like... if i had a balcony in my second floor apartment [instead of a sliding door that opens up to a two story fall- from which you are protected by some iron bars, of course] i could seriously just keep like... all my frozen foods out there.

that SUCKS. because literally, being outside when its that cold, is like if you could fit in your freezer and shut the door- thats how cold you are outside.

and every morning, i trek from my parking ramp to my work building [a whole 0.3 miles] in these blasphemos conditions. i know i sound like a weenie, but FUCK man. it's fucking COLD! so cold.. you can like.. feel the nose hairs inside your nose... EACH individual hair... cos they are FROZEN. if you still have sleep in your eyes, that crap is frozen. if you don't blink enough, your eyeballs will probably freeze in your head. i'm gonna look that up and see if its possible. i'm pretty sure it could be.

...

frozen eyeballs.

ew.

hello, today
wow. huge brainfart.

seriously... i have been sitting and looking at the screen for five straight minutes trying to think of something to write.

i am at a loss for words.

okay.. i'm going go away... and if i think of something, i will return. if not, this entry will just have to go down in history as the lamest entry of all time.

...

ew.

hey... look at that...
i did a quick new layout... figured i'd just update the look of the page for now...

nothing special... kept the iframes that everyone seems to hate :3 featuring my FAT face. cos i'm so vain i probably think this blog is about me. well it is... so there.

well, look at this~ i'm blogging for the SECOND time today! go me...

... my feet are cold. i hate MN.

not to be cliche, but thank goodness it's friggin friday.

static
i'm really annoyed at my sister right now.

i don't want to go all into detail about it... because it's somewhat personal, but i just feel like making the fact that i'm annoyed at her available to the public.

ha. the public. that would require some kind of regular audience, of which i do not have.

but whatever. i can come back and read this and it will satisfy me.

does it piss people off that i don't always use proper punctuation or capitalize the first word of every sentence? coz i would just like to point out that i am aware of the rules and specifications of proper grammar, punctuation, and the like. i am very much aware. i just choose not to abide by them all the time. just so you know. whoever you are.

then again, i don't have to prove myself to anyone.

okay i'm rambling...

my excuse... is that i can not think of anything to write about today, yet i don't want to go back on my word that i would post some kind of blog [at least] every other day. by the way, weekends don't count. cos i'm too busy for that. gotta focus on my schoolwork on the weekends. during the weekdays, however~ i have plenty of time to splurge on blogging in my downtime at work.

okay, i think this should suffice for the day.

conundrum
it never ceases to amaze me how i can be so good at a job that i hate so much.

seriously, early this morning my coworker [slightly above me in the chain of command- per se] pulled me into an office to have a 'private discussion' with me. at first i'm thinking 'oh holy crap i'm about to get my ass chewed for surfing the net in my spare time'. immediately i started thinking of what kind of response i was going to try and come up with.

luckily, a defensive response wasn't necessary, because the conversation took a completely unexpected twist.

she started to tell me about how Northland [the insurance company i work for- a subordinate of Traveler's Insurance] had just 'let go' of all their temp employees... all except for me. i guess she sensed the apprehension in my expression so immediately following that, she remarked "oh but we're not losing you- thank God." she then proceeded to inform me of how important i was, how impeccable my work is, and how they could never EVER get rid of me because they NEED me. and apparently, they are fighting 'the man' right now to make sure they don't ever lose me.

you can probably imagine my surprise at hearing this, because for some reason [mainly the fact that i HATE my job and i HATE MN] i always thought that i was just a nobody to them. i mean, yeah i know that i carry a significant chunk of the workload in my section. we have five people in the section that i work in, and we all process the insurance filings for Northland Insurance. so every time a policy needs to be renewed, cancelled, or changed in any way, we are the little worker bees who log in the filing system and make that happen. together, we process over 1500 policies a week, the MAJORITY of which are done by me. only because i work so quickly, i presume. anyway, if i were gone the amount they get done every week would be reduced by almost 50%.

its good to feel important. even if i do hate my job with a firey burning passion.

i still can't wait to get out of here and move to NC, but at least i know now that i have job security until i leave MN. how's THAT for insurance?

lol.

here's to the ladies who lunch
wow. don't you ever just feel sorry for the ugly girl who is convinced that she is hot shit? i mean... in all honesty there are times that i myself am that girl, but in this case i'm talking about another girl.

oh yeah... i'm talking about another girl. cos this is MY blog and i can talk abt anything i want. i can talk abt you, i can talk abt frogs, i can talk abt your mom...

anyway back to this girl... it doesn't matter who she is specifically, because this could be any girl. i'm sure there are a plethora of girls like this out there.

this girl... she embarrasses me. she is so UGLY. the sad thing is, she has poisoned her mind with the idea that she is one of the elite shit-hawt gals, just because her best friend and many of her friends around her are actually hot.

have you ever seen... like a group of super cute girls hanging out together, and then you spot this one... kinda out-of place girl who dresses, talks and ACTS like the other girls, except her face is really ugly? yeah... thats the girl i'm talking about.

don't get me wrong, i mean... i'm not really criticizing this girl; seriously its not HER fault shes ugly and yet has a huge ego. more power to her. i wish my ego was that big. i'd be thinkin i was sliced bread walkin down the street. hellz yeah.

i don't even know where i'm going with this. i just get an awkward feeling from this girl. sometimes... i wanna run up to her with a mirror and say "look at your FACE! its UGLAY!!!" but then i feel like a jerk and i should be like... "no for reals, you're hawt" even though that's just sort of a pity statement.

here's to the ugly girls who think they're hawt shit. here's to myself sometimes.

cheers.

unremarkable
um... i have nothing exceptional to talk about today.

it's Tuesday. i'm at work and i hate it. work sucks, etc.

...

hooray for the ampersand: &

yup.

okay.

what's different today?
well... i skipped two days of blogging. that was the weekend, though so i am gonna let it go. who has time to blog on the weekend? i don't. i'm too busy doing boring grown- up things, like paying bills, running errands, cleaning the house.

...

holy crap my life sucks right now.

okay that's a little dramatic [dun dun DUN... insert the throwing of confetti here for the mini-celebration of the third entry referencing my tendency to act "dramatic"!!! yes, i've noticed. see? i'm not as dumb as i seem]

actually, tony and i did go see my bloody valentine in 3D. woo WOO. it... wasn't bad. i'm not the biggest fan of slasher horror flicks.. i prefer thriller horror movies that don't require a bunch of "pick-axe through the eyeball/skull/other parts of the body" action to make them scary. but the story was pretty good.. there was a fun little twist at the end... and the characters weren't excessively annoying. it had that one dude from the show 'Supernatural'... i like that dude. he's cool.

yeah... lots of squishy gooey grimy bloody gore in that one. bloody crap flying out of the screen in 3D action. pick-axes coming at you out the wahzoo. lots of that. oh, and bloody naked boobies were in there. gotta have that in your little slasher flick.

hmn. other than that i have nothing interesting to talk about. OH wait, i got As on my last two homework assignments. yay. i'm taking Advanced Graphic Design right now. doesn't seem that "advanced" to me, it seems pretty basic~ but whatever. So far i haven't broken my straight A streak in any of my Bachelor's degree classes. that's good. maybe there is hope for me in the supposedly difficult to get into graphic design field.

mkay, i'm out.

on a light note...
i have read a lot of pretty entertaining reviews of this "Twilight" movie that recently [or... not so recently] made its debut on the big screen. a lot of these "reviews" have really amused the crap out of me, ESPECIALLY those i have read by people who are hardcore hating on this movie.

now, i haven't seen this movie. so i'm pretty much non-biased in this discussion. i have just noticed something that i have found funny about this.

among these "hater-reviews", the main trend i've noticed is how "unhappy" -let's just call them "vampire enthusiasts"- are with the story. there's a lot of bitching about how "unrealistic" this author's portrayal of vampires is.

call me a non-believer or what-have-you, but i have been under the impression that vampires, succubus and the like are all pretty much... for lack of a better term.. make believe.

in fact, i would pretty much confidently say that vampires don't exist.

and i'm just going to add for the sake of unecessary elaboration, that people out there who like to pretend they are vampires or "wish they were".. are just plain out idiots. first of all... the consumption of human blood... i'm pretty sure that's not good for you. i would also ascertain that, drinking the blood of another human being [or WANTING to...] would pretty much put you in some sort of cannibalistic category. that's just kinda nasty. downright repugnant. looking at it in this light pretty much kills the whole "seductive" or "sensual" idea of the image of vampires for me. really not that sexy.

therefore, being overly obsessed with vampires and other make-believe characters [ie. unicorns, fairies, etc] to the point where you feel the need to criticize an author's portrayal of such characters in a fictional STORY... is blatantly retarded.

...and i have reached my point on this subject.

myehhh....
I faked out of work yesterday. Said i was sick.

Technically what happened was, i drove into work in the morning, and arrived at my parking ramp to find signs that read "Rivercentre Parking ramp is FULL. Please do not block ramp."
I pay... 100$ a month for contract parking, so i can go to work everyday. I have to PAY so i can go to WORK. This alone baffles me beyond comprehension, but when i arrive at my ramp and find a sign like THIS, preventing me from being able to utilize my RENTED OUT parking spot, that i dish 100 effing dollars a month for, inspiring this shameless run-on sentence in my blog, i can not contain my frustration.
I dipped out and flipped a b*tch out of the ramp and hesitantly pursued an alternate form of parking. I say hesitantly, because those of you who aren't familiar with the wonderful shit-hole of a city they call St. Paul, when it's negative 13 degrees outside and the road is covered in a thin layer of snow/slush/ice through which you cannot see the lines of the road, driving around looking for alternate parking is no picnic. Not to mention all the one-way streets and misaligned roads... and the fact that all the parking ramps in the city are ridiculously vague about things like who can park where, when and for how long as well as whether or not your car will be towed away at your expense because they feel like it.

Needless to say i was not motivated to keep this up much longer. After puzzling through the maze of slippery one-way streets i gave up in a frustrated fury and forced my way back out to a highway and headed home, screaming and cursing the state of MN.

It probably sounds a little dramatic, but there are other contributing factors to why i was so easily upset about the whole situation. Aside from the obvious fact that i hate it in MN and i hate my job and everything in my life right now, i have been particualrly on edge lately, so i didn't need much of any excuse to get overly upset about this.

anyway, i got home and sent a quick email to my work with a bogus story about how i was puking all over the place and how "sorry" i was for the inconvenience.

then i crawled into bed next to Tony and woke him up. he wasn't even slightly bothered. we talked for about two hours and i just let out all my exasperations and cried and Tony listened.

i felt better after that.
the rest of the day was pretty fine.
even coming back to work today didn't bother me too much.

i think i'm just numb right now.

happy?... unhappy?
recently, i've been forced into an evaluation of my current situation.

where have i come from, and where am i going? am i happy with my current state of existence? if not, what can i do right now to better my situation?

...

i've spent a lot of time dismantling lately. trying to shed my worries for the time being...

i'm in a funk.

yes, i hate it here. i hate the state of Minnesota. i want to rid myself of this lifestyle, these surroundings, some of these people...

but this is going to take time. i have a plan. if i stick to that plan, i can be out of here in just over six months. six months is a long time though.

can i stick it out that long before plummeting even deeper into the stinking pit of despair?

i'm being dramatic.

still... this really sucks.

+procrastination...+
ugh.

i have ulitimately failed at maintaining this blog. it seems that i have often looked at this page and feared it as some kind of daunting task that needs to be done. i make up excuses, like "oh, i will do more with this site once i better my web design skills" but what does that have to do with actually writing in my blog. not much.

so, from now on i am going to make a habit of logging in here and posting some kind of blog *at least* every other day. so you've heard it, fellas. straight from the belly of the beast~ wait... what? holy crap i'm throwin in some three six mafia there. wasn't even trying to do that. seriously. that was ugly.

anyway... let this be the dawn of a new era... and era where christi succeeds in her blogging endeavors.

i'll make blogging one of my new year's resolutions.

the site design... i will work on that as time goes on... but for now... blog.

that's what's up.

i rule.

testing this for marlo...
the crackberries taste like crackberries... @ 08:21 a.m. on Saturday, January 10, 2009

+for reals+
I am gonna do something spectacular with this page. You'll see. Gotta learn more stuff at school though, first. :P

+umm+
this is where my entries would go.. if i had any. i need to get up off my butt and do something :P